(rewritten)

it used to true whenever Bill would look at me, 
he’d always have a twinkle in his eyes 
and I came to expect to see his smile 
every time, 

but now I wait for even his eyes to shine 
as they did before, for a while I noticed 
his eyes still shined, but that beautiful 

smile didn’t follow as it did before. 
A small upward turn of his lips is all he
 could manage, but soon even that will be gone. 

For now, his eyes don’t even shine they just look blank, 
they just stare straight ahead, not even 
the small upward turn of his lips is he able to manage. 

The tears well up in my eyes, but I just smile 
at him and many times he’d grab my hand 
in desperation, for fear that I’d leave him sitting 
there just staring straight ahead because he no 
longer knows what he is supposed to do. 

He took care of me as long as he could, but he has forgotten. 
He thinks I don’t want to be with him anymore 
He's been dependent upon me for the last five or six years of his life

, and I hate to admit it but it did become burdensome 
and I feel guilty, and did I lose some love for him? 
but my sister tells me that I loved him 
and took care of him ‘till the end 

She said I did it so well, and I did it out of love and 
respect for him. I don’t feel that way sometimes, 
but it is true. 

He's forgotten much of what he used to be, a man
 so capable of being alive and enjoying the life
 he lived and the many things he used to do. 

He did love me with all his heart, and he never 
looked around to find greener grass. He saw
 me at my worst, and my best, 

and he loved me deeply through every single 
moment of it good and bad. My sister reminds 
me of how much in love Bill was with me. 

She said she wishes that I could remember
 how much it showed in his eyes when 
he looked at me. I start to cry, the tears just flow.

 I know I did love him too and many times my eyes
 would show it when I was looking at him. 
He never minded my tears; he’d always hold me 
when I cried and he’d say 

hat he didn’t know what to do for me 
or how to help me. I used to look at him with
 the love and appreciation for all the many 
things he did through the years out of love for me. 

I would tell him that he was doing it, just holding
 me and letting me cry on his shoulder was all I would ever need. 
Oh, how I still miss him. I find myself smiling
 because I hear people outside my apartment 
and think it is Bill coming home, just for a moment, 

and then I remember that he is sleeping in death. 
It still stings after all these years. now I know 
why Jeremy had such a strong hold on me for so long. 
I miss Bill still, and I wish he was still here to be 
my loving husband the same as he was for 30 years.
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